sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
