so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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