I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
