Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
