I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
