remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
