you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You were trust falling into bushes
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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