is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
