it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
