I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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