I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
