so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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