thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize
