She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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