GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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