Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
In other news, I just burned my penis
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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