New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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