PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you win again, gameday.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
