I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
