If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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