Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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