i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i've created a new STD.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
