Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
