we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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