if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
