I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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