saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
