I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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