Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
