You smell like stripper and shame
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
