dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
