my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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