I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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