Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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