peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
