Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
My life is pants optional.
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