Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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