I am spending my child support on dildos
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
