You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
