Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
