It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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