I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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