Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
