so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
