he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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