so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
