well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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