Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
