girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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