I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
