i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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