she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
